To Forgive or not to Forgive: That is the Question Part 2

In my last blog I addressed some of the things that forgiveness is not. Hopefully those things will help in this study to remove some of the hurdles we have about forgiveness. This will be a scripture heavy blog because as I stated in the previous one walking in Forgiveness requires faith. Let's look at what the bible has to say about forgiveness.

“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25, 26 NKJV)

And forgive us our sins, For we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And do not lead us into temptation, But deliver us from the evil one.” (Luke 11:4 NKJV)

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14, 15 NKJV)

Jesus here is connecting answered prayer and God's forgiveness of our sins with our commitment to forgiving others.

In Matthew 18:21-35 Peter asks Jesus how many times we should forgive a person.

Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. (Matthew 18:21, 22 NKJV)

Here we see that God has a higher standard in regards to forgiveness. In a natural sense if a person wrongs you more than once you feel like it is your right to not forgive them. Peter here thought he was going over and above when he offered to forgive seven times but Jesus essentially said keep forgiving no matter how often. Of course there is some wisdom assumed here. Jesus is not saying you should constantly allow yourself to be hurt. If it is in your power remove yourself from the situation.

Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. (Matthew 18:23 NKJV)

Here we have a snapshot of what God's Kingdom looks like. The Kingdom of heaven is God’s way of doing things. The parable goes on to tell the story of a king that decides to settle accounts with his servants. One servant doesn't have the ability to pay what he owes and when the king is about to punish him the servant begs for mercy. The king listens and forgives him of the debt.

But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. (Matthew 18:25-27 NKJV)

The man then comes across another servant who owes him much less than what he owed the king and this is his response.

“But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. (Matthew 18:28-30 NKJV)

So even though the servant had experienced the King's forgiveness he wasn't willing to extend that same forgiveness to his fellow servant. What was the King's response to this?

Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. (Matthew 18:32-34 NKJV)

So the King was upset because he forgave the servant and he wouldn't do the same for his fellow servant. I think another key point here is looking at how the servant felt when he couldn't repay the King and knew he deserved punishment and received mercy. He then turned around and caused that same burden to be placed on another person when he had the power to be like his King and remove that burden but he chose not to.

“So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.” (Matthew 18:35 NKJV)

God equates His forgiveness of us with our forgiveness of others. So for us to not be willing to forgive others is akin to disrespecting His gift of forgiveness. As you can see this is a faith area all the way. You have to have confidence in the forgiveness God has already given you.

“I,  even  I,  am  He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins. (Isaiah 43:25 NKJV)

In 2 Corinthians 2 we have Paul basically telling the Corinthians to let this person off the hook. The church was upset with this person and the person was legitimately sorrowful. Paul is showing the crime of extending a person's punishment by withholding forgiveness. Most cases of unforgiveness seem to be towards people that could care less about us being upset with them but in cases where the person knows and is legitimately sorry and repentant what is our goal? How many hoops must we make this person jump through to earn our forgiveness? What if God held our forgiveness on this same scale? What if God said my forgiveness is no longer based on what Jesus did on your behalf but on how many hoops you’re willing to jump through?

This punishment which was inflicted  by the majority  is  sufficient for such a man, so that, on the contrary, you  ought  rather to forgive and comfort  him,  lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow. Therefore I urge you to reaffirm your love to him. For to this end I also wrote, that I might put you to the test, whether you are obedient in all things. Now whom you forgive anything, I also forgive.  For if indeed I have forgiven anything, I have forgiven that one for your sakes in the presence of Christ, lest Satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices. (2 Corinthians 2:6-11 NKJV)

Paul also implies here that unforgiveness opens the door to Satan. Peter tells us that Satan is like a roaring lion seeking who he may devour.  1 Peter 5:8.

In the most elementary sense Forgiveness according to the bible is mostly for our benefit and not the benefit of the others. Let’s look at a few of the consequences of unforgiveness based on these passages.

1.       God won’t forgive you.

2.       You open the door for Satan.

3.       You can get caught up counting how many times someone offends you.

There are more consequences than this but based off of those three is your unforgiveness worth it?

I recently heard a great visual of what unforgiveness really is. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison hoping that someone else will die. That is a great way of looking at it. How many times has someone offended or hurt us and went on with their lives? They don’t even know we’re angry at them and every time we hear their name or see them we get angry all over again. Our anger and unforgiveness is taking a toll on us but that person could care less. What are we really trying to accomplish in this instances? All we are doing is hurting ourselves.

In the next and probably final addition I will take a few real life examples from the bible of forgiveness in action and break them down. As always I pray this has been helpful to someone.

To Forgive or not to Forgive: That is the Question

I remember reading in a book called “How Faith Works” by Dr. Fred Price and in the book he said that the most important subject a Christian should learn once they are saved is the subject of Faith. A person may say “I disagree with that. The bible says that love is the most important thing.” Yes that is true but I’d argue that it takes faith to love the way God calls us to love. I’d also argue that it takes faith to do anything that God calls us to do. Hebrews 11:6 tells us that without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Even at the most elementary level each of God’s commands rely on faith that He actually exists and He is a reward of those that diligently seek Him.

I bring this up to say that it takes faith to walk in forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a natural response to a wrong. It takes faith that God is a just God and He is telling the truth when He says “Vengeance is Mine” in Deutoronomy 32:35.

Before I get into what Jesus says about forgiveness I want to cover a few things forgiveness is not. Sometimes it’s a misunderstanding of what forgiveness is that makes it so hard to do.

Forgiveness is defined as the disposition or willingness to forgive.

Forgiveness is not ignoring the wrongs that have been done to you. For example if you steal money from me or deceive me on something forgiveness does not mean I ignore that and continue to put myself in a position to be taken advantage of.

Forgiveness is not giving up or acknowledging that a wrong hasn’t been done against you. An example of this is if someone has slandered you or accused you of something hurtful. Forgiveness does not mean that you are condoning those accusations. You can still resist the slander and accusations and still be in a position of forgiveness.

I think this one is a big one. Forgiveness and Restitution are not the same thing. Restitution means a restoration to the former or original state or position. Forgiveness is immediate and is not based on the response or any actions on the part of the offender. Restitution is a joint effort by both parties and takes time and often includes counsel and accountability. An example of this is a woman in an abusive relationship. Forgiveness does not mean that she has to stay and continue to suffer abuse. She can get away from that relationship and still forgive that person.

Most people can see the ability to forgive more clearly once the misconceptions are removed. My next part will deal with what Jesus commanded in regards to forgiveness and scripture examples of forgiveness in action. I pray this helps someone to begin the forgiveness process.